Once our children start to enter the wider world of school, other children and have experiences away from the home it can be a nerve-wracking time for both the child and parent, especially if we start to suspect that our child is being bullied.
We want our children to grow up with confidence, make friends and experience life to the full. We may well accept that both good and bad experiences contribute to making them fully rounded as a person, but there is also a desire to protect them and give them the perfect fairy tale childhood.
Sometimes though it can become clear that our child is unhappy and something is wrong; we may suspect that our child is being bullied.
- Look out for changes in their behaviour and demeanour. Some children start bed-wetting again if they are stressed. They retreat into deep sleep and miss the signs that their bladder is full. Some children may become moody, withdrawn, angry with their siblings or toys. They may be frustrated at what is happening to them and start to act out at home.
- Children are often embarrassed and ashamed at the way they are being treated by others. They may feel to blame for the bullying in some way, different from the other kids, or be scared and afraid of saying or doing something that will make it worse. Telling adults may be a frightening proposition, in case they are told off by the adults or are discovered by the bullies to have told tales.
- Try to provide opportunities for your child to talk. Eating together, sharing family meals can be a great opportunity to notice changes in your child's temperament or demeanour. Discussions may need to be handled in a low-key way, where you share experiences from your own childhood over dinner, or tell relevant stories at bedtime.
The Ugly Duckling is a lovely metaphorical story to use as the ugly duckling turns out to be a beautiful swan at the end. Stories like this can provide an opportunity to talk about what the story means as well as introduce hope for a brighter future.
- Liaise with school teachers, the head, other parents to discover what their thoughts are on bullying and your child in particular. It may be that the problem is more widespread that you realised; on the school bus, at the local shop, on the walk to school. By talking with the school and other parents it may emerge that there is a bigger problem with bullying that needs to be dealt with.
- Try to ascertain what your child's perception of home life is like. Some children worry about money. They may have overheard conversations about work, bills, shortage of cash, and be fearful of their future security. Or they may have heard arguments between parents, discussions about one parent's health and be afraid to say anything in case their fears are confirmed. These fears can result in a child becoming withdrawn, quiet, seemingly unwell and afraid to go to school.
- Look at building your child's confidence and self-esteem in different areas. Encourage their interests and ensure that they have activities where they have friends with a similar outlook, get praised for their efforts and are able to thrive. This quality time can be a lifeline to children who feel different to the other children they meet at school, in their neighbourhood or even at home. Mixing with children who are like them can improve their confidence and provide important reassurance and comfort.
- Spend time with your children individually as well as in a family group. If you have several children they can gradually become 'the kids' and almost lose their individual identity over time. Spending time with each one separately allows them to establish their individuality and become their own person.
It also provides an arena for them to have a safe conversation and reveal any fears, concerns or issues about being bullied in private. It's important to take their concerns seriously even if they sound trivial or inconsequential. Children are often sensitive little souls who bravely soldier on. Revealing their inner thoughts can take courage, and that needs to be taken seriously.
Children don't have the same resources as adults. They rely on the grown-ups in their lives to protect them and maintain a safe environment in which they can learn, develop and grow into confident and healthy adults. Supporting them with their fears and concerns and being aware of any changes that may suggest they are being bullied is an important responsibility as a parent.